What Scares You?

I love the motto: "DO SOMETHING EVERYDAY THAT SCARES YOU!" I wonder what the world would be like if everyone lived by this motto. I imagine for some people, this might create a problem. But, I would hope that at least for most of us, this would mean getting out of our comfort zones, making new friends, becoming more open minded by trying new things. So, given this introduction, let me stray a little and tell you a story.

My freshman year at BYU, I lived off campus at Liberty Square. There was this guy that I saw all the time practically everywhere I went. And one day on my way to campus, I found myself walking just a few steps behind him. So, I sped up a little to catch up with him and strike up a conversation. You can never have too many friends, right? Plus, I did think he was kinda cute.

I introduced myself to him, and he told me his name; and then... he kind of blew me off. I can't remember if he just didn't help me keep the conversation going or if he sped up and walked ahead of me. Maybe he just wasn't feeling well that day and didn't feel like talking. Or perhaps he was in a hurry because he was late for class. But, regardless, in my freshman insecurity, I took it personally. And the next time I saw him, I could feel the awkward vibes generating. And by that time I had forgotten his name. (This happens to me frequently. It's a curse.) All I could remember was that it started with a D. Was it Derrick? Daimen? So, I didn't bother approaching him again. Besides, he didn't seem to notice I was there. I know. So sad. Poor little freshman me.

So in the years that roll by, I see this guy at nearly every intramural soccer game I play at BYU. I see him at random stake events, parties, races. I ran the Red Rock Relay a little more than a month ago. He was there! That guy whose name starts with a D that blew me off when I was a freshman. (That's what I began calling him in my mind.) And now I start seeing him every Wednesday at stake institute! What the crazy?

After pointing him out to my roommates and telling them the silly "history", a month rolls by. And finally, I get up the nerve to approach this guy, yet another time. It's been some 7 years since the last time I "talked" with this kid. So, I grab my friend Sarah and start walking over to him. He starts heading out the door, not because he saw me though. I'm not sure if this guy even knows I exist at this point. So, we follow him into another room, and he slips into the bathroom. Well, I had made it that far. So I decided to wait for him to get out. Luckily some other friends walked by during the five minute wait, which provided the perfect atmosphere for what I did as soon as I saw him walk by.

Dajavu set in as I heard myself spout off a practically identical greeting from 7 years earlier, "Hey! Don't I know you from somewhere? I feel like I see you everywhere."And, I still am not sure why this happened, but as soon as he whirled around to look at me, his face turned bright red, and he said, "Umm, yah. Actually. I feel like I met you a long time ago." And I'm wondering, "Did he recognize me? Did he remember that awkward walk to campus 7 years ago? Has he ever noticed that I seem to show up to practically everything he goes to?" Then we made a few friend connections from my freshman year, and introduced ourselves to each other yet again.  I found myself telling him about some of the events I've seen him at, worried that I'm beginning to sound like a stalker. (Who knows what might have been going through his head at this point) But he was actually really nice and friendly this time. I guess we've both matured a bit in the past 7 years.

And I told him, "I just think we should be friends, since I see you everywhere." He agreed. I went on, "In fact, the next time I see you, I am definitely going to say 'hi'." And he responded, "No, I am going to say hi to you first, Charla."

And so, there ya go! I conquered a silly little fear, I made a "new" friend, and I found out the kid's name again. I'll admit it too, I felt kinda ridiculous going out of my way like that just to say "hi." But, It was actually quite the empowering experience. I doubt he had any clue what that meant to me, to become friends with him. In all reality, It meant that I decided not to allow my life to be governed by fear, by little things that "scare" me.

So, what scares you? Whatever it is, I encourage you to conquer that fear. Feel empowered!

By the way, his name is Dustin.

Words speak LOUDLY.

What do you say?
Out loud, what do you say?
In bold articulated words,
What tangles do you weave?
What sunshine do you spread?
What do you say?

About me, what do you say?
Do you paint me well?
Do you love me in words,
Even in my absence?
What do you say?

About yourself, inside your head,
What do you say?
Do you speak of your beauty?
What do you say
To yourself in the mirror?
What do you say?

About your enemy, what do you say?
Do you cartwheel on his name?
Do you speak with your hate?
Do you speak with YOUR pain?
And what about his;
What about his pain?
And about his name,
What do you say?

What do you say?

I Like Rollercoasters?!

"JAMIE'S riding the Texas Giant, aren't YOU, Charla?" said my 7-yr-old older brother, challenging me as I stood looking up and trembling at the realistic implication of that name.

Rolling it over in my 5-yr-old mind, TEXAS GIANT didn't quite match up with my idea of fun. So, on that day I made a decision, a very wise decision (in my opinion) to stay with Mom on the safe, nailed-to-the-ground bench just outside the waiting line. And while my best friend Jamie, my brother, sister and dad all rode the rickety monster, Mom and I shared some of that incredible, sticky, expensive, theme park ice cream. It was our little secret.

A year later though, I'm proud to say, I did begin riding scary roller coasters. I rode the Flashback, the Shockwave, and, you guessed it, the Texas Giant! I remember how scary that first climb always feels.

Tucked into your seat by a heavy plastic bar, the cart slowly creaks up the track, ascending the terrifying hill that soon will be bowing to Gravity's powerful pull. And once you do finally get to the top, there's a slight moment where the cart stops.

It's almost as if it's waiting for Gravity to yell up, "Ok, let 'er rip! I'm ready for ya down here!" And then the creaking starts again: creak, Creak, CREAK, CREAK! CREAK! CREAK! And Zoooooom! Down you go! Every part of you, except your stomach...

Now as a 25-yr-old, I feel like I'm slowly cranking one notch at a time up a huge hill that's leading me to unknown wonders. What is that descent going to be like once I reach the top? Why is this hill taking so long to climb? What kinds of loops and sideways twists am I headed for? All these questions pop in and out of my mind as the cart creaks steadily up the track. Creak. Creak. Squeak. Creak... The anxiety growing.

And isn't that life?

Take my current situation, for example: The roller coaster of Unemployment. Sound scary? Daring? Out right crazy? Ha! If only we could choose ALL the roller coasters life takes us on. It's like being blindfolded while you're waiting in line, and then suddenly you find yourself strapped in and headed for the most insane ride of your life. At that point, you have two options: You can either cringe through the whole experience, squeezing your pried eyelids as tightly shut as possible, indenting your chin permanently into your chest while loosing all feeling in your white-knuckled hands, OR smile, laugh, and throw your hands up to really enjoy the ride. At least that's the way it feels sometimes.

But I think about how my mother knew I wasn't ready for the Texas Giant when I was five. She didn't force me to ride it; in fact, she lovingly helped me still enjoy my theme park experience even though I wasn't quite ready for the big, scary, roller coasters. Likewise, I am positive that even though I'm not sure what awaits me on the Unemployment roller coaster, my Heavenly Father would not have put me in line for this ride if He knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. Sure I might lose my stomach a few times, and I might even have some ups, downs and crazy loopty-loops, but eventually the ride will end, and I'll carry on victorious, having conquered another one!

One victorious ride is all it takes to gain the confidence you need to ride it again and again. After that initial success, you think to yourself, "Ha! I can do this. This? Pa-lease! Give me something new, something more challenging. I can take it!"

So, who knows? Perhaps this whole unemployment business is helping prepare me for greater roller coasters ahead. All I can do for now is smile, laugh, throw my hands up and REALLY enjoy the ride! 

Click here to experience the Texas Giant!

Utah Bound

So, I suppose I'm one of the strangest Texans a non-Texan could meet. Today my roommate, Cali, asked me about my long-term life plans, and if I wanted to return to Texas to live out my life one day. She was shocked when I told her that I'd be entirely happy if I never had to live in that hot, humid climate again. Now don't get me wrong, I do love the TexANS there, but I'm not infatuated with TexAS like people expect me to be, you know...being a born and raised Texan myself. So, call me weird, but I am actually quite happy with Utah's dry climate right now. I love the mountains here. I love the cool breeze that I can still enjoy if I choose to go running at high noon in August. I love the healthy culture here. Seeing tons of people outside running and exercising all the time motivates me to do the same. And more than anything, I love that I feel this is where I'm supposed to be right now. Utah.

Now that's another thing that makes me odd. I was originally planning to student teach in Houston this semester, but a month before I was going to leave, I felt that I should pray and reconsider my decision to move there. And Heavenly Father helped me realize that He needs me still in Utah for now. So, here I am! My decision to stay was made so close to student teaching that my BYU professor in no way would have been able to find me a student teaching placement in Utah for this semester. So, I am deferring for a semester in order to work and save up the money I need to live on during my student teaching. And, I will be able to student teach somewhere here in Utah come January, and I'll graduate in April!!!

And believe it or not, so many things have fallen into place for me since I made the decision to stay in Utah. My roommates probably wouldn't agree with that, having seen me apply for a gazillion jobs in the past two weeks. But, the fact that I'm rooming with these girls is a miracle. They are the cream of the crop. I look up to each of them, and I'm constantly learning from them. I already love them like sisters, and they are simply amazing people. I'm close to finishing my cd I'm recording right now. That's a goal I've had for a while now that is finally coming together. I've been able to reevaluate my personal goals here and take charge of my life in little but important ways. I feel close to the Lord and I feel that I am moving in the right direction. And there are simply moments when I notice that I feel entirely at peace with who I am becoming, where I'm at in life, and where I am headed.

I know that for most people taking 6 yrs to complete an undergraduate degree seems crazy. But, you know, I changed my major half way through to something I really love. I love teaching, and I love Spanish! Put 'em together and waddaya get?: A major that I am passionate about. Not to mention, my previous major was English teaching, and the job market is looking much more promising for Spanish than it is for English, which is a comforting, reassuring reality for me. I feel that adding an additional 2 years to my graduation plan was well worth it. Besides, I've heard that many people have been going on to graduate school upon obtaining their undergrad simply because they can't find a suitable job in their field of study. Six years, eh. I've enjoyed the journey, and I've learned from some incredible professors at this university.

The closer I get to graduation, the more gratitude I feel for my BYU experience. I love the Spirit you feel on campus, the dedicated buildings. I love the social aspect that is woven into everything. I love how safe I feel here. I love the incredible life-long friends I've made during my time here. I've met people here who have impacted my life in unmeasurable ways. And more than anything, since I came here, I feel that I have grown in positive ways as a person. I can look back and see the way I've grown into adulthood. At least, I hope I have. I still have a long ways to go, but I can tell I'm better than I was before BYU.

So, on Tuesday I start working as a customer service personnel for "Costume Craze!" During this semester I'll get my last GE credit taken care of via Independent Study, SFL 100. I'll save up some moolah for an exciting Winter semester of student teaching. I'll create some awesome memories with my roomies. I'll finish my cd. I'll run some races. And, come to think of it, I should start donating blood again. So, I'll save some lives too!

Did you follow all of that?! We went from Texas pride, and the lack there of in my case to blood donation. This is what happens when I start a blog and then decide not to post for 4 months. My apologies. I'll work on that.

Good Bye Ghetto Super Car

I was in a car wreck on Monday.

Basically, I was accelerating to make a yellow light when another car turned left in front of me. Life slowed down. And five seconds turned into an eternity. I could see the expression on his face through his windshield as I slammed on the brakes and began praying. A gazillion different thoughts streamed through my mind in those five seconds. To summarize, it went something like this: "Whoa! Where did this guy come from? Hit brakes! I hope this doesn't hurt. Why is this happening? Slow down! New tires, headlight, tie rod, windshield, mirror...all down the drain...ugh. I wish I could stop. Brace yourself." And then...CRASH! Then, suddenly everything sped up. I smashed the passenger side of his car. (Thank goodness there was no passenger.) And his car slid into the front of a stationary car waiting at the light.

As soon as I was able to drive my car over to the side of the road, I jumped out to see if he was ok. My focus automatically turned from my car and myself to him, the nice middle-aged man I just pummeled. I was too adrenaline pumped to cry when I saw the blood on his face and the big bumps on his forehead from the collision...but I felt like crying. I felt horrible. I felt like it was all my fault. I sat down on the curb. Just sat and glossed over a bit.

My trance was broken when I saw people running toward me, waving cell-phoned hands in the air. The police had been called. Thank goodness.

From there it was just a list of post-crash business, some enjoyable, some not: police report, chiropractor visit, several phone calls with car insurance companies, Craig's list searches, full body massage, crying, flashbacks, and whiplash.

And then came the blessings:

First there was Ryan. He picked me up in Orem, and drove me back to Provo. He and dear Chris then proceeded to give me a priesthood blessing, and he drove me all the way to Springville; Brittany hopped in for the ride, love that girl.

And, then there was my roommate Jackie. She and her boyfriend Chad took me to Taco Bell and icecream that night. Hit the spot.

After that my parents jumped in and took the greatest stresses off my mind. And, slowly everything has started falling into place. I might have even found a job this week! ...and not at Taco Bell.

So, it's goodbye to the ghetto super car. The insurance company is going to total the car and haul it off to a junk yard somewhere. Man, it's been in our family for years and years. I mean, I went on a roadtrip in this car with my sister and brother-in-law when I was 16 yrs old. That was 9 yrs ago! I'm gonna miss this car! So, here's a tribute to the GSC, Gesuka, the Ghetto Super Car:

Your grace and beauty make the tow yard seem like the valet parking lot at an expensive hotel.

I love you ghetto super car. We all do!

The headlights that guided me home at night...

  The expensive, busted window I fixed up every six months with duct tape and gorilla tape.

The thingy that flopped in the wind and tapped against the back window when I drove down the highway. It was saying "Hello" and "I love you" with every tap.

The last time I'll ever see the Ghetto Super Car again.

Dogs

So, I moved to Springville! With Jackie!!!

And with her brother's two dogs: Tucker, a big, white, hairy mutt, and Sam, a feisty little doxin. I didn't grow up with pets, except for a stray cat we adopted for a year, Kitito. But even then, we just let the cat roam the neighborhood and then would feed her when she came around. It was a pretty low maintenance affair. Only in the past two years have I decided that I actually like dogs enough to perhaps want one as a pet. Most of my life I've actually been scared to death of most dogs due to witnessing a huge German Shepherd bite my mom when we lived in Argentina. He just came up and bit her leg...for no obvious reason. Ridiculous! After that I was always certain that most dogs have a vicious angry devil in them just waiting for the right moment to jump out and attack you.

In the neighborhood where I grew up, I swear EVERYONE owned a dog. But they were all aggressive, mean creatures. And I recall one specific instance when I was out for a run around the neighborhood and this yippy, ugly, little dog came charging after me. He was actually trying to bite me in the heel! So, for a good block I was sprinting to try to escape the darn animal. Then two things happened: I became incredibly winded and incredibly angry. I was so mad that I actually stopped, yelled at it, and I kicked it right in the face. Then I felt even more evil for laughing when he flew up and flipped over. (I wish I could replay that moment in slow-mo...it was hilarious.) Stinkin dog! He was asking for it.

Then I was called to serve a mission in Uruguay...the country right next to German Shepherd infested Argentina. The only thing I was NOT looking forward to were the dogs. I knew there would be many. During my first week in the field, as my trainer and I walked from house to house, I looked at each dog with fear and paranoia. And, they were literally EVERYWHERE! And what's worse is they weren't chained up or fenced in. There were dogs, several dogs just roaming in the street. You could count ten per block, small blocks. But, after a week, i realized something. These dogs were free dogs. They didn't have all this pent-up anger like the dogs in Argentina or the dogs in my neighborhood. I took note how they would just sprawl out in the middle of the dirt road to take a nap without a care in the world. Not only were they too happy to want to bite anyone, but I honestly think they were too lazy. There's no way any of those dogs would be chasing me at full sprint down a long dirt road. And thank goodness! After my mission, I was cured.

So, being cured of my fear of dogs came first. Then I sold pest control two summers ago in the ritzy neighborhoods of Sacramento, California and realized that not only was it possible to encounter friendly dogs, but that some dogs are even so well trained that they're a ton of fun to have around. And that's when I decided that one day I'd like to own a nice, expensive, well-trained dog.

So, going back to Tucker and Sam...these dogs are my test. After the next three months of living with these dogs, and caring for them I should know if this is something I really want to do, or if it's simply a romantic idea I've dreamed up in my head...but not one I really want to come to pass.

Well, as part of this test, today I gave a dog a bath for the very first time. Make that Two Dogs! Sam was smaller, so I bathed him first. It's easy to control a Doxin in the tub. However he was completely freaked out and shaking all over, poor little guy. But, in the end I triumphed, and he NEEDED a bath! Then came Tucker. He was actually just fine with getting a warm bath in a tub (It was too cold outside today to hose him down in the yard). but then I experienced the mutual dog bath. That's right...as soon as I had wet down all of his hair so that I could shampoo him, he shook it all over the bathroom, and more importantly all over me!

In that moment images from movies like Beethoven came into my mind. Then I realized...I should have seen that coming.

As of today...I'm reconsidering the dog for a pet idea. But, I'm still undecided.

Last Finals Week Ever!

With 4/5 finals to go, you'd think I would be studying harder right now. But, the simple truth is I am more than excited to be finishing this school year at BYU, to the point of distraction. For this reason, I've decided to start my blog. Today. What a better time than final's week right? Right?!

Man, it has been a long and rather enjoyable journey going to school here at the Y. I really do love it here. Somewhere between changing majors and serving a mission in Uruguay...I was finally able to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life: Teach Espanish to the chitlins! And I'll have you know this discovery was worth the several classes that do not contribute to my overall graduation plan. Classes such as social dance, latin dance, that darn calculus class I never would have had to take with my current major, and extra English classes that helped me realize that I am not an English teacher at heart...not really. For any of you who have seen the movie Tommy Boy, you'll recall that it took him 7 years to graduate college! SEVEN! Luckily...it only took me 6. Eh he he.... Can you see now why I am excited to be finishing?

Sigh...Finals. You know, I figure,these tests will all be over in two days...and I'll be headed off to Texas to visit my mom. Texas...a state I can't seem to escape. Don't get me wrong, I love Texas because of the many family members and friends I have there. Well, and I actually do enjoy the warm southern culture. However...Texas??? Where are the mountains? Where are the rocky hilltops for me to climb and explore? I know. I know. Technically there are "mountains" in Texas...but in comparison to the Rockies, in comparison to the Uintas, the towering and breath-taking giants that beckon to me every summer, the gorgeous snow-capped angels that have been standing right outside of my college apartment for the past 6 years...in comparison to these mountains, Texas is covered in dirt mounds! Texas loses, and I'm here to tell you: not EVERYTHING is bigger and better in Texas.

Speaking of Texas...did I mention I'm moving to Houston in August?

I prayed an entire semester about this decision, and once I was able to make the grand decision, I cried for two entire weeks. Wow! I'll say it for you: What a baby I am! I guess I just couldn't imagine life without all the amazing friends I've grown close to since I've been here. And, the truth be it told, although I've stopped crying, this is still going to be a bitter sweet transition for me. I'm leaving the familiar, the comfortable, and moving into the great unknown. Houston is the 4th largest city population wise and the 4th fattest city obesity wise the United States! (I always knew there was a reason why the food tasted so good) Scary. But, one of the most comforting assurances I have is that I will be rooming with three amazing girls. At least I don't have to face the Big City and Big Bad Student Teaching alone. I have a feeling these girls are going to become my new family in August. At least I hope they will, because I am definitely going to need some sisters.

All in all though, I know this is what I am supposed to be doing. So, I guess until then I have three months to thoroughly enjoy the Rockies and my Provo friends! It's gonna be a fun summer!!!